How a live can change!
by hollyfanatik101
Summary: One day everything is fine! you are healthy! you have a loving husband! and then it all goes to hell in handbasket. want to know why? just read prue's story..


I can scarcely belief I am here. After three months I am finally here. I still cant belief that I am here. My husband and both my sisters are in the other room no doubt just as nervous as I am. Today is what I have jokingly called M-day. Now you are probably wondering what M-day is? Okay let me tell you what it means. Today is the day that i become less of a woman.  
  
OH if you would belief my husband, he wouldn't think so, neither do my sisters. But how else can one explain, what one is after one loses a breast. I love my husband as I do my Sisters. And I have been keeping up a good attitude in front of them. But neither one of them really know what I am going through. I am not even a mom yet. I am too young for this. Or so I thought. It started all about three months ago.  
  
Three months earlier.  
  
I had gotten home after a long day at P3 . My sister's nightclub. She had been busy else where and had asked me take over for her for that day Everything was set up for the band, and I left it up to the main man in charge. So that I could go home and make dinner for my family. It was my turn, and thank god for that. Cause no matter how much I love Phoebe, cooking is not one of her strong suites.  
  
When I entered the house my husband whom was holding a glass of wine greeted me. A nice surprise. Not just the wine. But the fact that he was home before me. Something that hadn't happened often in the last few weeks. I dropped my bags and gladly took the wine from him. He gave me one of those toe curling kisses of his and led me to the living room and guided me to the couch. "What is going on Andy?" Nothing, you just sit and relax and I will take care of everything" " Not that I mind that you are home and standing here as nice as you do, but it is my turn for dinner and you know how Phoebes gets when she doesn't get her grub on time" Like I said don't worry about it I have taken care of everything" "Okay, but just for a few minutes".  
  
Andy came over and sat next to me. And started to nuzzled my neck, finding the exact right spot. " You are going to have to stop that, or piper and Phoebe will not have any dinner except maybe Mc Donald's" They are having that anyway," andy said. " Huh?" I asked a little more then distracted. " They are most likely having micky-dees as we speak" Andy said continuing his line of kisses all the way back to my ear. Reluctantly I pushed my frisky husband of me. " What do you mean?" Andy gave me one of those little grins. " I sent them away for the night" "Away for the night??" "Yup" " Okay what do you mean Andy" I insisted. " The movie marathon on fifth and brach, six movies for the price of one, I told the girls they couldn't miss it, and Piper agreed and dragged Phoebe with her" He smiled.  
  
" So where does that leave us?" I asked him. " Right where we are" He smiled, starting his line of kisses again. When he stopped he got of the couch and handed me back my newly filled glass of wine. "Here, like I said sit down and relax and I will take care of everything" And then he walked out of the room and to the kitchen. Just then did I smell the waves coming from that direction. " Andy what is going on in there?" " Nothing for you to worry about, just drink you wine, and eagerly await my return" Came his reply from the kitchen.  
  
I was wondering what my husband was up to but the stress of the day finally over took and I fell asleep Only to be awoken by a soft kiss on my cheek. " Hello sleepyhead, cant leave you alone for a minute can I " Andy smiled down. " Dinner is ready," He added. He took my hand and led me into the dinning room where he had taken out the good china crystal glasses and by god the linen napkins all of it glowing in soft candlelight.  
  
I was starting to wonder if I might have forgotten an important date. However, no matter how long and hard I thought about it nothing came to mind. " Andy what is going on?" " Can't I spoil my wife everyone in a while" " Yeah but.......... You know I am a sure thing right....... I mean we are married" I tried to joke. " Funny my love ...just sit down and enjoy" Andy said holding out the chair for me. He came back from the kitchen the smells he carried with him where to die for.  
  
He had made a chicken dish covered with a white wine sauce Rosemary baby patotoes. In addition, asparagus in butter sauce. " Wow..Andy I didn't know...Some hidden talent you have there?" " You have seen nothing yet ...my love" He smiled giving me tingles all down my body. After having two servings of everything, I got ready to clear the table. Andy took my hand and said.  
  
" Nope no dishes for you ...You need to go upstairs and get ready for your bath" " My what" "You heard me up you go" And pushed me towards the stairs. Oh well, why not it doesn't happen very often that I get the night of so I went and got undressed in my room and grabbed the towel of the rack and headed to the bathroom.  
  
As soon as I opened the door, I could smell my favorite bath oil and when I looked at the tub, it was already filled with warm water and little rose petals floating on the top. Candles burning all around the tub and Andrea Bocelli coming from the tape player. My husband had really outdone himself this time.  
  
I do not know how long I was in the bathtub. However, I must have fallen asleep again. Because I was awoken by, a soft stroke on my arm that was dangling out side the tub. "Hey are you gonna fall asleep on me all night" I heard my husband whisper in my ear. " Sorry hunny..I am just not used to getting spoiled like this" " And we are not done yet" Andy said. Pulling the little plug. He extended his hand and helped me out of the tub. and wrapped a huge terrycloth bathtowel around me. I do not even remember owning one of those.  
  
Before I could even set one step in front of the other, he had lifted me in his arms. "Andy" "What?" He said softly. " Never mind" As I laid my head against his shoulder. I could really get used to this.  
  
After we got to our room he put me on the big easy chair, pulled my hair out from towel, and dried it, after which he took the brush and proceeded to brush it for me. He managed to do so without getting the brush caught in my hair. It felt like heaven. "I love your whole body...but this has to be my favorite part" He whispered as he put both his hands in my hair and let it fall through his finger. He picked me up once again and carried me to the bed. I could not resist a smile and looked at him. " What no dessert" I asked. " Hunny you are dessert ...but if you insist" He smiled and pulled a bowl form beside the bed filled with strawberries. " Hmm no whipped cream?" Andy just laughed and held up his other hand showing me another bowl filled to brim with whipped cream. "Andy we don't need all of that for those few strawberries!!" He just smiled at me with a little wicked gleam in his eyes. I could feel myself blush. " Maybe it is good that my sisters are gone for the night" " Exactly my thoughts" Andy replied.  
  
After we had settled nicely in to the bed and most of the strawberries had been consumed. I crawled in to his arms. There never was a place I felt safer then when I was with him and his arms where all around me. I cuddled a little closer as andy started his onslaught on my body Starting with slow kisses going from the side of my neck over my jaw and finally my mouth. I can tell you that boy can kiss. I felt his hand glide over my body towards my breasts and I could hardly wait for him to get there. His soft hands have treasured and pleased my breast for years now, and I loved this part almost as much as the act of love that would follow.  
  
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain coming from my left breast. " Ouch Andy....that hurt" Andy pulled back and looked at me . " I am sorry Hunny I didn't mean to hurt you" He said softly . As he caressed my breast again. No sooner had he put a little pressure on it and the pain shot through me again. " Stop Andy!!" As I pushed him away. " What is wrong Hunny" He asked a little concerned. " I don't know I just hurts when you ....well when you pushed on it" I told him. "But Prue I didn't put that much pressure on it ...I mean no more then usual" He said. " What side is it on" He asked. " The left" " Only the left" he asked me next. "Yes only the left" I said with a sigh, the pain starting to fade.  
  
Andy lifted himself of the bed and turned on the light by the nightstand. " Okay let me have a look" I lowered the cover I had pulled over me. And Andy stared at my breast. Softly he put his fingers over it and started to push lightly. It was fine as long as he stayed on the upper part of the breast. However, no sooner had he gone down an inch or two and the pain intensified. " Ouch ...stop Andy...that hurts" I managed to get out between clenched teeth Andy stopped pushing and looked at me.  
  
By the look on his face, I could see that he was worried ...very worried. " What is wrong Andy" I asked him. " Prue....Hunny....there is something there" " What do you mean there is something there...Did I get bitten by something?" " No!" I could see the Adams apple bob in his throat as he looked at me. " What Andy?" I asked again. " There is a lump Prue" He said softly.  
  
" Ha ha that is not very funny Andy" I told him . However, deep down I knew Andy would not joke about something that serious. Slowly I pulled my hand from the cover that I had been clenching in a death grip. and moved it towards my breast. Andy took it and guided me to the spot he had found earlier. Softly I pushed. I dropped my hand and looked at my husband. " But ...but ..I am to young for this" I whispered.  
  
TBC???  
  
Needless to say, our evening was cut short and Andy just took me in his arms . while I contemplated my life. "Andy?......." "What Hunny?" " It doesn't have to mean that there is something seriously wrong is there?" I asked him. he kissed the tip of my head. " No Hunny it could be a lot of things" " Like what?" I wondered. " Well there are things that are called cysts...then there is the fat bumps that suddenly appear for no reason....." He had gotten silent " What Andy.." I asked him again. " Well even if it is the thing that we think it is ...it ...it could be benign" He said softly. " Why call it thing " I said harshly. " Why not call it what is" I added. " I might have cancer Andy....cancer"  
  
The word sounded foreign to me yet I knew the possibility that I had to deal with the big C scared me more then I wanted to admit. " You should try to get some sleep Hunny" Andy said as he pulled me closer. " Yeah sleep" I mumbled. How was I ever going to do that. " Tomorrow morning is early enough to deal with this" Andy said. " Yeah tomorrow...." I said softly.  
  
While Andy drifted off to sleep, I kept wondering how many more mornings I would have? How many more mornings that I would wake up next to my husband? Would I ever have children? When I felt Andy slip in to a deeper sleep I slipped out of his arms. and went downstairs. When I got to the bottom of the stairs and I looked around nothing was left that would remind me of the romantic evening me and Andy had spend  
  
I went to the sunroom and sat on the windowsill a place I like to go and just sit and think. A thought came to my mind. How would mom have handled this. As a tear slipped past my guard, I looked up at the moon as if mom might be there. " Oh how I wished you where here right now...I could really use a mother right now as one tear followed the other.  
  
Just then the front door opened I tried to be real quiet so Phoebe and Piper would not notice me. However, the sob that escaped my throat caught their attention right away. Phoebe bounced around the corner first. " What ...where" standing in defense mode. " Prue is that you?? What are you doing here in the dark ..and where is Andy?" she asked. " He is asleep ...no do not turn on the light" As I saw Piper reach for it. " Prue you are scaring us..where is Andy?' Phoebe asked again. " He ....he......" I could not go on as I looked at my younger sisters. Piper ignored my earlier request and turned on the light.  
  
Both her and Phoebe walked over. Phoebe placed her arm around me and pulled me closer, only causing me to cry more. "Hunny is something wrong with Andy" She asked me." No ...he is upstairs asleep" I managed to get out. " Then why are you down here" Piper asked . " I was under the impression he had something great planned for tonight" She added. " He did." "So what happened then ...did you have a fight" Phoebe asked next. " No we didn't" As I tried to hold another sob back. "Okay Prue Marie Halliwell ...will you tell us what is wrong here...because I can clearly see something is wrong ..........and you are scaring us" Phoebe said as she straightened me up and looked at me. " You are going to be more scared when I tell you my news" I almost smiled. " Okay really scared now" Piper said as she held up her hand.  
  
I took her hand and pulled her closer. I didn't have enough time with her shot through my mind. " Well when me and Andy where...wel kinda sorta " " What kinda sorta prue just spill" " I am getting to it Phoebes hold your horses" I bit at her. " We where really getting ...you know real close ........when" I had to stop. "When what Prue" Phoebe asked me softly. " He ..he touched my breast and ....and it hurt so he took a closer look ....and" I didn't say more because I could see on their faces clearly what they where thinking.  
  
" But Prue it could be anything I could be an infection or one of those cyst thingies or anything" Piper said. Taking my hand. "Yeah Piper is right there is nothing to worry about " Phoebe said placing her hand on top of pipers and mine. " We will go and see a doctor tomorrow and we will find out what it is..okay" Phoebe said. I could only nod my head as I looked at my sister. I needed to get through this not only for my self and Andy but for them as well they could not lose their sister. " I will fight this guys " I told them " I will fight this even if it kills me" I said with a little chuckle. The irony of my words sinking in.  
  
I told my sisters I needed some time by myself and that I would see them in the morning. Both gave me hugs allot tighter then it usual was but I needed it as much as they did. Arms around each other the both of them left.  
  
I turned back toward the window and looked up again. " I will fight this mom..if I can fight the source of all evil I can fight the source of all decease's right" Nevertheless, even as I said the words I didn't feel that confidant. A sound behind me made me turn and saw Andy stand at the doorway. He opened his arms and I ran in to them. I buried my face in his chest and let the tears come. " I am so scared Andy" " I know Hunny ...I know" He whispered. "So am I" He added softly.  
  
He picked me up much like he had done earlier that evening and carried me up the stairs. " make love to me" I asked him. " Prue are you sure...I could hurt you again" He said. " I need you ...make love to me....I just ....for now I am still healthy....we are not sure......I just need you Andy" Andy lowered me to the bed. And very gently led me in the dance of ultimate passion. Securely wrapped in his arms I knew things would be okay. Or at least for now they where okay.  
  
TBC??????????  
  
I didn't think I would sleep that night but I did. Andy woke me up by kissing my cheek. " Hey sweetie time to wake up" He said. I didn't want to wake up from this Nightmare my life was to become. Dreams had haunted me alnight. But I said non-of it to andy. I didn't want him to worry. " Why don't you have a shower while I get breakfast ready" I told him. " Are you sure Prue" He asked me. " Leo nothing has changed from yesterday morning I am the same person I was then ..I think I can manage to make a little breakfast" I told him very calmly. Although I was anything but.  
  
When I got downstairs the coffee had already been made and Piper was beating the stuffing out of some poor batter. " Hey you guys what are you doing" As I saw Phoebe wrestle with the juicer. " Making breakfast ...what does it look like" Phoebe said finally managing to get the top of the juicer. " Man this really needs to come with an intruction booklet" She muttered. " It did", as I put on the top right side up..."You never showed any interest in it" " Well next time write the instructions on the damn thing" She said.  
  
" Btw what are you doing out of bed" She asked me next. " What do you mean I am not an invalid Phoebe I can make breakfast you know" I retorted glaring at Piper as well. " Hey keep me out of it ...you know I hate it when the sun comes up specially if I am up before it" As she looked at Phoebe. " Phoebe you made her get up to make breakfast for me" I asked her. " Well I thought you might not feel up to it" Phoebe said softly.  
  
" Okay you two....no hold on......Andy....Andy get your butt down here" I yelled up the stairs. My husband came running down the stairs. " What ....what is wrong?" He asked as soon as his feet had hit the bottom step. "In here" I called. " Okay sit down and listen....all three of you . ..I am not a helpless little person...I am strong and I am young ...I am not fragile...and hardly ever been sick in my life...we don't know what is wrong with me....and we wont for a few days......" "But...we" Piper interrupted. I just held up my hand and she was wise enough to stop talking. " So I don't want you guys to walk around on eggshells and whisper behind my back....life is going to go on as normal...and until a doctor tell me otherwise that is exactly what we are going to do right...........right" " Right" All three of them said in unison. " Okay ...now if you will excuse me then I need to make a phone call" And I left the three of them in the kitchen.  
  
I made my telephone call in the livingroom and made an appointment for later that afternoon with Doctor Jones. Now all I had to do was get through the next few hours and then I would find out what was wrong with me. Andy, Piper and phoebe hovered over me. And where driving me up the wall. " guys I am fine...see I am still walking" As walked out of the room. Hoping they would get the hint and leave me alone for a few minutes  
  
Finally three-o clock rolled around and I was getting ready to head for the Doctors office. When I got to the front door , both my husband and my sisters where waiting for me. You just had to love them. " Okay you people ..I love you .but we can't go all in there." I started. " Why don't Andy and me go and as soon as we know what is what we will call you...I mean we don't know how long this might take" I finished. I could see that Phoebe was going to object, I gave her a smile. "Please Phoebe?" I asked softly. "You promise to call" She asked. " I promise" I told her. Another hug from the both of them and of we went.  
  
The ride to the doctor's office never seemed that long before , and when we pulled in to the parking lot , I grabbed Andy's hand. "please don't leave me here all alone" I asked , suddenly worried the station might call him. " don't worry, I wont leave I promise" Andy said and kissed me softly. " Here is where I need to be and here is where is I am staying" he added. one last squeeze of hands and I was ready to go in.  
  
Jenny the assistance handed me the usual form and I started to fill it out. A question caught my eye, one that I usual filled out with out even thinking about it. "Andy.....?" "What sweetie?" "Well this question here I usually just fill in that grams had a heart condition......but I never even thought of anything else.....I mean I have no clue about my family history...besides the witch part that is" I whispered. " what I mean is I don't even know if I had any family members who might have had cancer and passed away from it!" I added to my statement. "Prue I think if you for now, just fill it out like you always do it should be okay...we can ask Doctor Jones about the rest of it later okay?" "Okay" I agreed.  
  
After having waited for over half an hour and my bottom lip severely chewed , the door to the doctor's office opened and jenny peeked out. "Mrs. trudau, the doctor is ready for you" I took Andy' hand in mine as a lump formed in my throat. Together we walked in.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. trudau.. good afternoon ,how can I help you today" as he pointed to the two chairs in front of his desk. "Good afternoon " I managed to get out. It felt like cotton was spinning in my throat. I thought I was best to just come out and tell him why I was here. "I.....we " as I looked at my husband. " found something on my breast last night and we thought I should get it checked out ...just to be sure" I told him. Doctor Jones had taken out my charts and was noting down something on it. then he looked up. " well then I think it is best we get it checked out...Prue why don't you go in the other room and change into one of the gowns and I will be in there in a few minutes" he then handed me a little cup. "And if you could fill this for me I would appreciate it" he added, giving me little smile. " Can Andy come with me while you examine me " I asked him. " Of course...just as soon as you are ready gives us a holler" I turned to Andy before I walked out of the room. " It will be okay" he mouthed to me. I just wish I were as sure as he was.  
  
TBC????  
  
After having peeded in the cup I handed it to jenny and sat on the table with the paper on in. I needed to get a handle on myself before I called the Doctor and Andy in the room. A few minutes later they both walked in. "Okay Prue" the doctor said all formalities gone now. "If you just open the gown I will have a look" he said. slowly I opened my gown I could feel a blush coming over my cheek. this was the first time I bared my breast in front of anyone since me and Andy had been dating. Andy was rubbing my back letting me know he was right behind me.  
  
Doctor Jones had walked over to the sink and had washed his hands and put on some gloves. " okay prue are you ready" he asked me. "Ready as I am ever going to be" I answered. " okay you need to let me know if it hurts when I put pressure on it, okay" " Okay"  
  
He checked the top part first and then made outward motions as if brushing some thing away. he kept the pressure light. At first I didn't feel anything. Until he hit my sore spot on the bottom. he heard my intake of breath and stopped. " This where it hurts" he asked me. " Yes sir" I answered him , making a grab for Andy's hand. " Okay I am going to check your other breast as well Prue" he said next , and his hand moved to the right breast. I had not even thought of checking my right breast and I looked over to Andy, the look on his face telling me he had not thought of it either. More fear settled in the pit of my stomach. after having checked both my breast and my vitals, he told me I could get dressed. He and Andy would wait in the other room.  
  
As soon as I was dressed, I walked back in to his office. Sat down next to Andy and took his hand again. " okay Prue at this point I cant say for certain if the lump you have in your breast is a tumor a cyst or just some fatty tissue" he started. "But that said we have to make sure ...don't we" he smiled. " uhuh" was all I could get out. "so what I like to do is a biopsy" " A what?" Andy asked. " A biopsy...that means we are going to take a little of the tissue and examine as to what it is." he answered him. " Are we doing that today" I asked him. " yes ..I think the sooner the better" he told me. " Why so soon? I wanted to know. " Well prue I am not going to beat around the bush...if what you have is indeed cancer then we need to get to it as fast as we can so it wont go to your lympsnodes"  
  
" and what are does" Andy asked . "Lympnodes are located on the outer edge of the breast almost under her arm" as he lifted his arm to show us where. " these Lympnodes are sort of like a flitler it keeps bacteria and other harmful stuff out of the main stream. we have lymphnodes all over out body, the one I am talking about is closest to the breast. and we need to make sure that these are okay, because if they are not we need to go to treatment as fast as we can. they are part of inmune-system. if they are affected part of immune system is not working correctly and could let more cancerous cell through...but I am getting ahead of my self" He said looking at me.  
  
"Now if you two head over to S.F memorial ..you will have an appointment as soon as you get there" He stood up and led us to the door. " don't worry about it prue ..everything is going to be fine" he said holding out his hand. I shook his hand and walked out.  
  
silently we got in the car. " It must be pretty bad if he wants me to go for this biopsy so soon" I said to Andy. " No sweetie he didn't say that" he answered. But by the look on his face, I saw he was thinking the same thing. " he just wants to make sure everything is okay ...so that we know what to do" it took us only about twenty minutes to get to the hospital.  
  
when we entered we went to the front desk and gave my name and they directed us to radiology when we got there the woman behind the desk gave me a big smile. "Mrs. trudau......Doctor Jones called and said you'd be heading in ....made good time there" what did this woman have to smile about. I was here to find out if my life was going to chance for the worst and her she was smiling.  
  
"Well , why don't you follow me and we will get you ready" she said next. "Can my husband come" I asked her. " no I am afraid he is going to have to wait here...we will be back shortly" she smiled to Andy. " you are going to be fine Prue" Andy said softly and gave me kiss. " I won't go anywhere....I will be right here...I promise" he added. " Can you call Piper and Phoebe and let them know what is going on" I asked him. " I will" and with that, I left my husband in the waiting room.  
  
Again, I was led to a room with a table with paper on it. and the ever popular gown. for the second time that day I changed in to one and waited for the doctor. to my relief, I saw the doctor was a woman this time. " Mrs. trudau?" she asked me. I nodded my head. " I am Doctor Hastings ...but you can just cal me Nicole" "Prue" I told her "Did Doctor Jones tell you what we had to do here today" she asked. " He said we needed to a biopsy" I answered her. " That is right....it sounds a lot worse then it is and we will be done shortly....if you could open your gown" she asked. And for the second time that day a stranger was touching my breast.  
  
"Ah I see" she said. "See what" I asked. ' It is in the lower part on the right side of your left breast" she answered me. well duh like I hadn't figured that one out on my own. "so what is going to happen now " I wanted to know. " now we are going to do the biopsy" she told me. " and that would work how?" I asked.  
  
" when I do the biopsy we can right away see if it is a cyst or not" she said. " uhuh" " see a cyst is like a little bag...sort of balloon as soon as I put the needle in there this little balloon would collapse and the fluid would run out" "A needle" I asked a little worried.  
  
I had hated needles since I was a kid and I was not looking forward to this. "Yes what I am going to do is take a thin needle and push it through to the lump......I will pull a sample from the tissue and that will be it" she smiled. I gave a halfhearted smile back to her. " hate needles huh" she asked. " that would be an understatement" I told her now smiling more. "well I could give you a local ...but that would mean two needles and I figured you wanted to get this over with as soon as you could" I agreed with her.  
  
non the less when I saw her thin needle she had neglected to tell me how long the damn thing was. If she poked me with that, I would come out of the back. Nicole lifted my left breast and I closed my eyes ready for the pain the come. surprisingly the pain wasn't that bad. and a few seconds later she told me she was done. " that was fast" I couldn't help but say. " Told you....why don't you get dressed and I will meet you in my office" she told me.  
  
when I was dressed, I walked in the waiting room and straight to Andy. he took me in his arms and held me close. " are you okay" he asked me. I nodded my head and told him we were expected in Nicole's office. I took his hand and we walked over to the door.  
  
after being seated, Nicole looked up from her chart. "Okay prue..i need some basic information" she started. "Okay" "how old are you now" "Just turned thirty" "On any medication right now?" "No" "Any illnesses?" "No" " anybody in your family with a history of cancer Mom, grandmother, sisters, aunts?" " Not as far as I know...but I cant be sure" I told her looking at andy. "But I could find out" I added. " Good..." "Any allergies" "No" while Nicole was asking me these questions, she kept taking note after note the interview went on for the better part of an hour. And my nervous where shot by the time she asked her last question. she put her pen down, took the glasses of her nose, and looked at us.  
  
"Okay her is what I have so far...we can pretty much rule out a cyst...since the tissue didn't shrink at all" she started. " which leaves us with three options. one it might be fatty tissue that has built up in your breast. Two it could be cancerous cells and they could be benign. And three cancerous cells and they could malignant" she added. "which one do you think it might be" Andy asked the question I was too scared to ask. Nicole looked over at me and gave me sad smile. " I hate to say it ...but I think it is either option two or three" she said. " And why not option One" Andy asked again. "If it was option one the pain would not be so severe fatty tissue is produced by its own body, now not to say that I could not be that, but the location of the lump is so that it is not near any major nerves....there for indicating that the substance in your breast is foreign to your body."  
  
"so where do I go from here" I managed to get out. " from here you go home and take a rest and wait till I call you with the results of the test" "How long is that going to be" "anywhere between two and three days" she said. " I need to rest all that time....I will go nuts" I told her. Nicole smiled . " no what I meant was you go home now take a shower and rest for an hour or two you have had a stressful day" " so I can go on as usual...I mean I can go to work and all" " I see no reason why not" with that she got up and extended her hand. " I will call you as soon as I have the results" she said.  
  
we got in the car and drove home "Three days Andy.....I am going to go crazy if I have to wait that long" I told him. " But she could call the day after tomorrow" he retorted. " Yeah two or three days to find out of my life has turned in to hell"  
  
TBC??????????  
  
Two days later.  
  
"Phoebe have you seen Prue?" Andy's voice is heard from upstairs. "No...why?" "I can't seem to find her?" "Maybe she is at the magazine...it seems like she has been spending an awful lot of time there" Piper interrupted. " I have barely seen her in the last two days....what time did she get in last night, andy" Phoebe asked. The three of them meeting at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
" You mean this morning" andy said. " What do you mean this morning ...are you telling me she didn't come home again last night?" Paige asked. " Nope ...not until about 5 this morning" Andy said , the sound of his voice indicating he was a little more then pissed. "She is going to kill her self if she keeps going on like that" He added to it.  
  
"Okay hold up her" Phoebe said holding up her hand. " She has an awful lot to deal with right now...maybe all she needs is a little space" " A little space she can have ...but disappearing without letting us know is a whole other story" Piper interjected. "Leo can't you sense her" piper asked her husband who had just walked in the door. "Yes I can and she is okay." Leo answered her. "then where the hell is she" Andy growled. "All I can say is that she is fine and somewhere across town" Leo said and took his wife in his arms. Piper turned to him. "cant you go get her?" she asked him. Leo looked towards Andy . but this one shook his head. If Prue was on an assigement and Leo would burst in for no magical reason he knew she would flip.  
  
across town.  
  
"Then I need you to sign here and here and then on the next page on the bottom" Mr. jenkins said. " Where?" " Here and here" "Okay that is all then...all is set"... "Yes all you need is a witness to sign it, and all should be settled" He answered me. " So to be clear..if I die Andy gets my share of the club and the my sisters my share of the house?" "Correct" he told me.  
  
I stood up shook his hand and headed out the door towards 415 so that I could let john sign the papers. I knew I was most likely over reacting ..but I felt a whole lot better knowing my affairs would be settled.  
  
When I got to the magazine both my sister and husband where waiting for me. I should have known they would catch up with me at some point I was just hoping it was later then sooner. " Hey guys what are you doing here?" I asked putting a smile on my face. " The question is what are you doing here" Andy said to me. " Huh?" " You where here till five this morning ..what can you have possible left to do?" Phoebe asked me. " Well clearly you have never tried to put out a magazine before" I couldn't help throwing at her. as I moved behind my desk and hid the papers in a draw. "You have though! Phoebe bit back at me. " And you have never been so busy it took you till five in the morning even on the most busiest nights....what is going on prue?" " I just needed to get the layouts in order?" "And you couldn't do that from home?" Piper asked me. " To be really honest no" I said to her. " And the reason for that would be....since you have been doing that for years" Andy asked me next.  
  
" Because I cant stand the way you people hover over me every second of every minute of every damn hour......with that look on your face" I said a lot harsher then I had intended to. " The way you look at me, it looks like I am already with one foot in the grave....we don't know what is wrong with me yet....so why act like I am deathly ill!" "Prue we are just worried .....not because you might or might not be sick....even a healthy person cant keep going at the pace you have been going at for the past two and half days........you need to slow down" Andy said walking over and putting his arm around me. "Besides I think we should go home because Doc Hastings could call any minute"  
  
I knew they where right. I knew I was running on empty. But it seemed that there was so much left to do. So much, I had to take care of. But I let them convince me and went home with them. Of course what was I going to do once I got there. keeping myself busy had kept me distracted. Now all there was to do was wait.  
  
But the wait was a lot shorter that I had thought. When we walked in the house. the little light on the answering machine told us we had a message. Even before I hit the button, I knew it was the doctor's office. "Mrs. trudau...this is Nicole....I have the result of your test....please call me at your earliest convenience" The message said.  
  
I swallowed the lump in my throat down as I picked up the telephone with one hand and reached for Andy's with my other. Piper and Phoebe standing close by. "Hi.....yes this is Mrs. trudau....yes.......uhuh........okay.......tomorrow at three...okay..thank you ...bye" I said and hung up the telephone. "Well" Andy asked me as I turned in to him. " They have the results and Nicole wants me to come in tomorrow at three" I told him. "What did she say" Phoebe asked me. " Nothing really ...just that we should come in" I told her.  
  
Piper walked over and gave me a hug. "It is going to be okay prue" she said softly. I hugged her back. " I know Piper....I am going to be fine" I said trying to hold back my tears. " if you guys can excuse me for a minute" I said and headed up the stairs.  
  
They knew I needed a few minutes to myself. and they let me. A few minutes later Andy came up as well. I was standing at the window and as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my cheek I let the tears roll free. "Damn" I said reaching for a tissue. " It seems all I can do these days I cry" I said to him. " It is okay prue....I think you have the right to" he told me. "Well actually I don't....I don't even know what is wrong with me" I answered him. "But you have an idea......don't you" Andy asked me softly. "Yah...I think I do....I mean if it was good news Nicole would have told me over the phone....so there is only one thing left" "Option number three" Andy almost whispered. "Yup option three" I said just as soft. as new tears replaced the old ones. "We will get through this you know" Andy said. " I hope so Andy.....No I know so" I said as I tried to give him a smile. He tried to smile back at me. but it took him as much as it did me to curl those corners.  
  
I really truly to God wanted to sleep, that night. But I couldn't, Thought kept going through my mind. What was my future going to look like? Was the rest of my life going to filled with going to the hospital? Was I ever going to have children? How long was Andy going to be able to stay with a woman like me?  
  
When that thought struck, I felt a pain in my heart like I had never felt before. What did Andy really think about this? I knew he felt as bad as I did. But how was he going to feel if this kept going on? Did he not need a life of his own? did he not deserve to have children? And my sisters? what was to become of them?  
  
Finally I couldn't take any more and I went downstairs. I walked into the sunroom, to sit by my window. Only to find out it was already taken. "Phoebe , what are you doing up?" I asked my younger sister. Phoebe tried to hide her tears by quickly rubbing her cheek, but I had noticed non-the less. " I could ask you the same question...you should be asleep....you need rest" She answered me. scooting over to make room for me on the windowsill. We didn't say anything for a few minutes. both with our own thoughts.  
  
" I come here to think and talk to mom" phoebe suddenly said. I gave a weak little smile. " I do the same thing" I told her as I watched a tear roll down her cheek. " I am scared prue.......I don't want to come here and talk to both my mom and my big sister" she said in a soft voice. I slowly moved over to her and took her in my arms. " You are never going to have to that Hunny" I whispered to her. "Don't I prue.....this is a totally different kind of evil we are dealing with...one that neither Leo nor the elders can help us with........this is new ground for us prue....and I don't know if I can handle that......what if something is horribly wrong that they cant help you......that ........that" "That what phoebe" I could feel her crinch as she said her next words. "That we are to late....that things have gotten so bad they wont be able to help you.......I cant lose you prue....I just cant.....It is going to kill me" As now a steady stream of tears ran down her cheek.  
  
I took the corner of my shirt and wiped away the tears. " It is okay phoebe....tomorrow I will find out...and we are going to be okay....no matter what Nicole tells me...I am going to fight this......and even if it is worse then we thought....we can deal with that too" I told her. "Why is this happening Prue ?.....why do we have to deal with this above everything else we have been through?....haven't we paid our dues!.....haven't we paid enough?......why Prue I just don't understand?....we have lived our lives right!...we have done everything!...we even saved the freaking world!!....can't the world give us a break now!" Phoebe said in a harsh tone. " I don't know Phoebe .....I just don't know...but I do know that god never gives us more then we can handle....so tomorrow I am going to go in there ...with a smile on my face and face whatever it is Nicole tells me....." I told her next.  
  
phoebe had gotten silent again. "Prue?" " Can I please come with you tomorrow?" she asked me. just then, I realized that I needed her there as much as she needed to be there. " Yes phoebe I wouldn't want it any other way" I said softly. again silence came, and we both drifted of in a restless sleep.  
  
Three o clock the next day we where all waiting in Nicole's office. The woman behind the desk told us we could go in. One hand in Andy's and the other in Phoebe's I went in the office. Nicole pointed to the chairs and sat down. "These are my sisters Piper and phoebe....I hope it is okay....I needed them here" I told Nicole hoping she would understand. "That is just fine Prue" she told me.  
  
" Okay as I said over the phone I have gotten in your results" Nicole started. "U huh!" "And the results are pretty much as I had suspected" she went on. I just kept looking at her not saying a word, while I felt Andy squeeze my hand. " You have invasive stage one ductal carcinoma." she said next. " And that would be?" "In layman's term that means you have breast cancer prue" she explained.  
  
I knew she was going to say it. I had known for days that she was going to say it. But hearing the words coming from her mouth still shocked me beyond belief. It was confirmed I had breast cancer.  
  
TBC  
  
I held on tighter to my husband's hand , and wiped away a tear that had made its way down my cheek. "okay.........uhm ....where do I go from here?" I asked Nicole. "Well now that we know what we are dealing with..we need to do another biopsy" Nicole said. " why?" I asked. " We only took a sample form your breast...what we need now is a biopsy from your Lympnodes to make sure that the cancer has not spread anywhere else besides your breast" Nicole answered me. " when are we going to do that" Andy asked next. " I would like to do that as soon as possible..if not today no later then tomorrow" Nicole told him.  
  
"so what is this invasive stage one ductal.....whatever mean...and what are our changes?" phoebe asked next. " well invasive ductal carcinoma is one of the most common and most easily treated form of breastcancer.....the cancerous cells usually start in the milkducts of the breast..., then break through the walls of the duct, and invade the surrounding fat-tissue.....but like I said it is one of the more common about 80% of all cases are the ductal carinoma" Nicole explained to her. "what does invasive and stage one mean"? Piper asked.  
  
I was glad they where asking the question, for at this moment I couldn't get a word past my lips. my mouth and throat where to dry. and the words that where spoken went over me. it was like I was standing somewhere of to the side listing to a conversation that didn't have anything to with me. I could feel Andy's hand in mine and his thumb stroking over the top.  
  
"Invasive means that the cancerous cells are active and moving ...that is why we want to do the biopsy as soon as we can" I heard Nicole say. "stage one is the stage the cancer is right now...we have five stages....stage one being the least harmful and stage five being the worst" Nicole finished. I finally found my voice and asked the question I really didn't want to ask.  
  
" what are we talking about here ...time wise I mean...am I .....am I going to survive this?" " like I said before this is the most easily treated cancer there is and the survivor rate is any where between 80 and 85% prue...we caught it early and after the second biopsy we will know more....what I want to do is get a few of your lymphnodes and some more of the surrounding tissue in your breast as well as some from your right breast" Nicole told me. "Why the right breast?" phoebe asked her looking at me as if I had hidden something from her.  
  
" we want to take some of her right breast as well of the nodes on her right side to rule out the possibility of having cancerous cells in there as well" Nicole told her. "In my preliminary report we didn't find anything and neither did we when I examined her...we are going to a mammogram as well" she added , while writing down her notes. "Prue did you find out of there was anyone else in your family that has had cancer" she asked me. I looked at Andy and then my sisters. " No" I said softly.  
  
the main reason I hadn't was because I was too scared as to what I might find out. to find out I might not be the first on ...or even worse find out I was the first one. "I did " Piper's voice came from my left. surprised I looked up.  
  
" You did?" "Yes...well after you told me...I ....I well, I was worried and I know with all that was going through your mind I thought you might not want to deal with it...so I kinda went through our a family history" she said as she looked at me. I took her hand and felt the love coming from her. "Thanks" I managed to get out past the lump in my throat.  
  
Nicole looked at her and Piper turned back towards her. "we have no cancer in our a family.....as far as I could see and I went back as far as Melinda warren" "Melinda warren?" Nicole asked. I gave a little smile. "My great great great great whatever grandmother" Nicole smiled back at me. "We are going to be okay prue" she said reassuringly.  
  
"After the biopsy what do we do then" Andy asked. I was getting a little irrated with them constantly saying we why where they saying we? this was not happening to them! their lives where not changed forever? why say we? This was happening to me not them.  
  
"regardless of the out come we have to get her in treatment as soon as we can" Nicole said. "And what would that intale" Piper asked. "Yeah does that mean I am going to lose my breast" I asked a little harshly. "No prue that doesn't have to mean you lose a breast" Nicole said. "we have several ways we can do this....first we see how big the mass is then we can see if you need if you need treatment without losing a breast....second there is called a partial mastectomy......" " Oh great half my breast" I said softly below my breath, but I knew Andy had heard me. " If she doesn't have to partial mastectomy .......the treatment ...is that chemo" Piper asked . Nicole nodded her head. "But even if she has a partial or full mastectomy she is going to need that anyway" Nicole said looking at me. "why?" I asked her. "Even if we get all of it we want to make sure that no cancerous cells stay behind the only way we can do this is with chemo" " Am I going to lose my hair......." I asked as I took a lock of hair that was falling over my shoulder. "yes......you might lose most of your hair prue" she said. "But I will grow back normally after you are done with your cycle" she added.  
  
whoopee big comfort that was going to be. I was having my breast removed and I was going to be a baldheaded freak. Maybe Andy could charge people to come to the Prescott street freakshow. I thought.  
  
suddenly the air in the room got to thick. I needed to get out of there. I couldn't stay there. "Andy" I managed. "what Prue" I heard him asked concern is his voice. " I need to get out....I cant....I cant breath" "Okay ...Hunny....okay" Andy said standing up. and pulling me along side him.  
  
he looked over at Nicole and she nodded her head. "Just go to front desk and make an appointment with Susan" she told him. after we made the appointment for the next day, we went home. no one was talking on the way home. but then what was left to say . my worst fears had been realized and now I needed to deal with it. I put a little smile on my face. I was determined that the tears I had shed at the office where going to be my last ones in front of my family. from now on I would grieve on my own and keep my head up for them.  
  
tbc  
  
when we got home, I went straight for the kitchen since it was close to dinnertime and dinner had to be on the table . grabbing pots left, right, and trying to find the ingredients for the meal, I felt their stares at my back. " what?" I asked as I turned around. " well prue what are you doing?" Piper wanted to know. " making dinner ..what does it look like Piper!" I said a little tense. " But prue..we didn't...I mean you don't have..." phoebe started. "Okay we have ad this conversation before!" I started. "Yes prue ..we know you are fine" Andy interrupted. " But you are not ...so stop going around this kitchen like a maniac...sit down for a minute and reflect on what you have been told!" he went on.  
  
" I know what she told me Andy...i was there remember ...I have cancer....so now!... what?? you want me to sit all huddled in a corner and cry about it...what good is that going to do me...I have it we deal with it and.....and" I said harshly. "Prue that is not what we meant!" Piper said. "then what Piper...oh poor little prue is sick ....oh poor little prue needs help.....is that it!" "Prue......" I heard phoebe. "Fine don't want dinner tonight ........good I have better things to do then make dinner for a bunch of ungrateful brats" I told them as I slammed the pot I was holding on the counter and walked out.  
  
Andy was close behind me and I turned on him. "No Andy ...don't ...not right now...and don't look at me that way...I am not going to breakdown..so just leave me alone for a few minutes......if that is even possible in this house!" I bit at him. I could see on his face that he was shocked by my outburst and I did feel guilty but if was going to keep my promise I needed to get away from them. I needed five minutes to just get a hold of my self.  
  
I walked into my room and locked the door. I knew if Andy really wanted he would find a way in . but I knew he respected me at least that much. I walked over to the mirror and looked at my self . I had never really done that. yes I have looked in a mirror before but never really looked. I always took it for granted. I grabbed the brush my grams had left to me and started brush my hair. was I really going to lose this hair. I loved my hair mainly because my husband loved it so much. I knew he like to brush it and put his hands through it. what was going to happen once I lost it.  
  
my eyes wandered down wards a little and landed on my breast. I took my shirt of and for the first time, I looked at my self without any clothes in front of the mirror. it was the first time I took a close look at my breast. my husbands save heaven as he called it. a slow smile appeared the same time a tear trickled down the corner. I wasn't bad looking. the irony. the first time I take a close look and I realize I am not as bad looking as I thought. it was as if I was looking at totally different person. as if I was looking through Andy eyes. and now it was too late. Andy's save heaven was going to be gone. ruined. destroyed.  
  
I startled when I heard a knock on the door. "Prue are you okay" I heard pipers voice on the other side. quickly I pulled my shirt back on and whipped the tears from my eyes I blotted on some blush and opened the door. "Yes Piper I am fine" I told her forcing a smile on my lips. " You sure?" she wanted to know. " Yes sweetie I am sure" I said and put my arm around her shoulder.  
  
"I wanted to thank you again Piper for what you did" I said to her. "No thanks needed..you are my sister and I love......" she stopped mid- sentece and looked at me. "I love you prue" she said when tears gathered in her eyes. I took her in my arms and pulled her in for a fierce hug. " I love you to Piper." I whispered.  
  
Piper straightened out and wiped her eyes. a shy smile came across her lips. "If you can handle this then so can I " wiping away the last tear. " good now lets go have dinner I am starved" I told her and we both met phoebe and Andy in the kitchen. Phoebe what are you doing?" I asked my sister, seeing her fighting of another household appliance. "Trying to make this spagetti thing to work" she told me as she shot me one of her looks. "You put a curse on all these machine haven't you...so that we wont be able to use them ..." she said. "Yup that I did" and took the cord to plug it in the wall. "Well I knew that" phoebe said her face turning a darker shade.  
  
we had a nice dinner and I figured the three of them had gotten the hint that I didn't want to talk about it tonight later Andy and me retreated to our room . "prue you better get some sleep you have an early appointment tomorrow" he said softly I just nodded my head. " what time tomorrow" Appointment is at 10" he said. " I think I should go on my own" I said even shocking myself . "What??" " I think I need to go by myself...I mean I know the station has been calling and that they need you...for all we know there could be major trouble and I don't want that on my conscious" " I am already taken care of someone that is in trouble" Andy said. " No, Andy I am not in trouble millions of woman go through this everyday...and I can do this" I started. "Prue!!" "Okay I thought I be nice about it ..but Andy I cant have you there tomorrow I need to do this own my own" I finished talking right over him.  
  
Andy didn't say anything for a few minutes. "It is not that I don't love you Andy...but I need to start dealing with this on my own ..this is going to be a long road...and you are not going to be able to be all the time..when I cant handle it any longer on my own I will let you know" I said softly hoping he would understand. He didn't.  
  
"Prue for years you have been complaining I am never there when you need Me..now that I am you are telling me that you don't need...I am your husband I have a right to be there!" "No Andy you don't not if I don't want you and I don't" "Why ? Prue" " I don't know Andy I just need to this alone I don't want you there so don't follow me" " cant you at least take one of your sisters?" he asked me. "What of alone didn't you understand Andy...I need to this why cant you understand that!" What I understand is that you are bound and determined to this on your one no matter how me our sisters feel..this is not just happening to you piper..this is happening to all of us" he said harshly and got up from the bed.  
  
That just pissed me off " You know what Andy this is not happening to all of you ...this is happening to me...this is my life ..my body...my breast we are talking about...you are not losing it..phoebe and Piper are not ...me Andy..me" with that I turned and left the room. why didn't they understand that I had to do this on my own? Why couldn't they understand that I knew they where hurting I was trying to make it better for them? Why didn't they understand that being with them hurt me?  
  
I walked downstairs and to my windowsill looking up a tear slid down mad at my self I wiped it away but more and more of them came until I could no longer wipe them away. I felt a pair of arms around me and when I looked up, I saw that it was Piper. "It's okay prue" she said softly "Just let it go" feeling her arms around me and her soft voice trying to soothe me, I broke down. pain coursing through my veins , my heart hurting so bad I thought it was going to burst.  
  
another set of arms came around me I didn't have to look to know that it was phoebe. I buried my face deeper in to Piper's shoulder as I tried to get a hold of my self. after five minutes, I managed to get a little control over myself. " Better? Piper asked, putting a strand of hair behind my ear drying my cheeks. I nodded my head. we sat there the three of utill almost dawn not much was said.  
  
during breakfast I informed the three of them I wanted to this on my own and after arguing for a while they let me as long as I promised I would call them as soon as I knew what was what. I put the key in the ignition and my head on the steering wheel. I remember thinking to my self . come on prue you have heard the worst of it...it cant get anymore worse then this. I turned the key and headed down the street.  
  
tbc  
  
twenty minutes later I walked in to Nicole's office. she looked past me . "Your husband not here today" she asked me. " I asked Andy and my sisters to stay home today guess it was time I started dealing with this on my own" I told her.  
  
"Prue I know that is what you think but you are going to need them...this is not going to be easy...you might need their comfort" she told me. "I am sorry but right now they seem to be more upset about this then I am and being around them is making me on edge..so can we get his over with" I asked her.  
  
after having taken the nodes and the tissue, I left Nicole's office with the words that she would call me in two to three days and let me know the results. I went home and hoped that I could have the house for myself for a few hours before the rest of family would get home  
  
of-course I should have known better no sooner had I set a foot in the door and three people jumped at me. "Well Prue what did she say" Andy asked. " same as last time wait for two three days" "You know this is getting frustrating" Piper said. "What do you mean" phoebe asked her. " Well don't they always tell us that you need to react as fast as you can so that you can have a treatment of some kind?" "Yeah...we went as soon as we found out!" Andy said. "well don't you think it is frustrating that it has been almost a week since you guys found the lump and still they haven't even said what prue is suppose to do" Piper said with trembling lips.  
  
I walked over and put my arm around her. " it is okay Piper they working as fast as they can and Nicole said it the least harmful remember stage one" I told. " Yes , but who says it wont go to stage two while we are waiting for these dumb results to come" she said. " it is only two days Piper we can wait that long...and if it goes to stage 2 then we will deal with okay" I told her wiping away the single tear that fallen down. " okay" she softly. " I am sorry prue" she added. " for what" "For breaking down everytime" "don't worry about it little sis" I told and gave her another hug.  
  
the next two days went by with out much of anything. I went to the magazine and worked like I had done before I found out I had cancer. I told my siblings and my husband they where not to tell anybody about my condition. and after having had another fight about whose body it was they agreed and let me go back to work.  
  
the telephone rang and I had to run to get it. " 415?" "Prue are you okay" I heard phoebes voice from the other side. " Yes why?" I asked thinking there might be a demon on the loose. " You sounded out of breath and I thought......" " don't start phoebe I am fine why are you calling?" " Nicole called she wants you in her office this afternoon" "Okay what time?" " she said anytime was fine !" phoebe told me "want me to call Andy" she asked me next. " no that is fine I will call him" I told her although I did not intend to do so. Okay call when you know something!" I told her I would and hung up the telephone.  
  
my hands trembling I knocked on Nicole's door " come in prue" Nicole said. walking in my knees where shaking so badly I could hardly stand up. " sit down prue" "Thanks"  
  
Nicole picked up her notes looked over them and looked at me. "Okay prue the good news or the bad news first?" she asked. " is there any good news in cases like this" I asked her with a little grin. Nicole gave me a small smile back.  
  
" Okay how about this the bad news first or the badder news" " let's go with the bad news first" I said actually smiling. " Okay bad news first....you have no cancerous cells in your right breast or you right lymphnodes" she started. "Okay the worst news" I asked. " I wasn't done yet piper" Nicole interrupted. " Sorry" " that is okay the other bad news", she said with a smile "Is that we didn't find any cancerous cells in your Lympnodes on your left side either" she said looking at me.  
  
I couldn't belief my ears this was good news hell it was the greatest news ever. but I knew this was the so-called good news. I was getting scared of the bad news. and Nicole noticed the change coming over my face. " want the rest of it now prue?" she asked me. " do I have a choice" I asked smiling mildly "Nope sorry no choice" she said.  
  
she took a deep breath and looked at me. "we looked at the samples and the monogram we took a few days ago, my colleague and I agree that trying to treat it with radiation is not going to help ...the cancer is very aggressive and the time it takes to shrink the lump you have new cancerous cell could form on another place" Nicole said. " so what does that mean" I asked her but already knowing the answer. " It looks like you are going to need surgery prue" Nicole said looking at me over her glasses.  
  
" Now we don't need to take you whole breast...but that said I think it would be better if you did... seeing how aggressive the cancer is" she added. " can I think about that for a day I asked her" " Take all the time you need I scheduled the surgery for as soon as I can...I can always fill in on a later day whether it is going to be a partial or full mastectomy" Nicole said. "Okay thanks" I told her and got up. " do you want to call your husband to come and get you" Nicole asked.  
  
I gave her a smile and told her I would be fine and left her office. I don't even know how I got home but there I was in front of the house. suddenly I couldn't go through with it and turned the car back into drive and drove of down the street. I had no clue where I was going all I knew was that I couldn't go back yet.  
  
I pulled over to the side of the road and just sat there. I don't know how long I sat there and when I had fallen asleep. but a knock on my window awoke me. " Ma'am are you okay" the officer asked me. " Yes I am fine ..sorry I was just to tired I didn't want to cause an accident" I lied to him. "That is fine ma'am but next time don't try to drive at all okay" "Yes thanks" I told him and started my car.  
  
"when I looked at the clock in my dashboard I could see it was near midnight and I knew that my family would freak as soon as I walked in the door. they didn't disappoint me.  
  
tbc  
  
quietly I walked into the house hoping against hope they had gone to bed. phoebe and Piper had indeed gone to bed and I thought for a few seconds that Andy had as well. I dropped my coat and purse on a seat in the living room and was quietly making my way to the kitchen when I jumped about a feet when I heard Andy's voice.  
  
"where have you been?" he asked in a low voice. "Andy ...Jesus Christ are trying to give me a heart attack" " where have you been ?" he asked again. " Out Andy...where do you think I have been" I told him. " and you didn't feel the need to come home and tell us what Nicole had said to you?" Andy said next.  
  
I sat down in the chair opposite from him and turned on the lamp next to e. "why are you sitting here in the dark? I asked him. " why not prue...if my wife leaves me in the dark about her health I might as well live in the dark...don't you think" he said sarcastically. " Andy please..i have had a long day and I am not in the mood for your games" I said to him getting up. He grabbed my arm with more force then he had ever used on me.  
  
"no Prue! I am no longer in the mood for these games,....Phoebe tells me you have an appointment with the doctor and said you where going to call me...You didn't!...and I didn't go looking for you!...like and idiot I let you go by your self, and like an idiot I wait here for you thinking as soon as you had news you'd come home and tell.....but no you didn't.....but we waited..then when you do finally pull in to the driveway you hightail it back out of here...why prue ....why?" he almost yelled at me. still having a tight grip on my arm. " Andy let go" I said through my teeth.  
  
Andy dropped his arm and with that his head. " I don't know prue it seems that you are hell bend on doing this on your own" he started. " Now you are getting the picture" I said a little harshly. "But why prue it seems like you want to be a marterer and you don't have to be...you have me and your sisters and we want to be there for you ...we can help" he went on. " Andy you don't understand ...I am not even sure if I understand ...all I know is that I need to this ...right now I need some space...some time to think...can you at least give me that?"  
  
"yes prue I can give you all the time you need...but you have to let me know what is going on...it might be your body and your decision...but we love you and we have a right to know what is going on...don't you understand that....cant you give us at least that" he said next. I knew he was right. I knew he had a failed point slowly I sat down again. and Andy sat down next to me. " Hunny tell me what Nicole had to say today..is it worse then we thought" he said softly.  
  
"No ..it isn't" I said. " then tell me prue please I am going nuts here" "she said there where no cancerous cells in either side of my lymphnodes and no cancerous in my right breast" I started. " But that is great news prue" Andy said taking me in his arms. " Yes it is...but here is the not so good part" I said after having nestled closer to him. " what piper" Andy asked as I could feel his body go ridged. " the cancer cells in my breast are very aggressive which means trying to get rid of it through radiation is like caring water to an ocean...we have to have surgery" I told him.  
  
his embrace tightened around me. "You can do this prue I know you can" he whispered. " I know I can it is just a question of which way to go" " what do you mean?" " whether I want the whole breast removed...or just part of it" I said softly. " what does Nicole think you should do?" Andy asked me next. " she thinks since the cancer is so aggressive that we should go with a full mastectomy..and that I might be fine with partial ..she is leaving the decision up to me" " Is that why you didn't come home" I heard a voice from the doorway. Both phoebe and Piper standing there.  
  
"yes I guess that is why" " well what the hell where you thinking prue ..we have been going out of our minds here" Piper started. "Piper please not right now I have gone this round with Andy already...I needed some time to think and I needed to do it away from here" "Why are you turning away from us prue ...we only want to help anyway we can" "That is just it phoebe...you cant help...I know you want to and I love you for it...but you cant help with this..i have to make this decision...not you not Piper not Andy...me...why is that so hard to understand!"  
  
Phoebe lowered her head a silent tear rolling down her cheek. I walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder "Phoebe Hunny please don't cry..." I said to her. while all the while that was all I wanted to do. " I know you love me and I know you are hurting as much as I am......and I really don't mean to be a bitch ....I am sorry" I said to her giving her a hug. I turned to face Piper and Andy as well. " I am sorry " I said again. and walked out of the room.  
  
I went to take a shower and to get my thoughts together I needed to make a decision and I had to call Nicole. while drying of I hit my sore spot and winched. in that moment, I made my decision. I walked out of the bathroom and on my way to our room I called for Andy.  
  
no sooner was I in the room and Andy was there. " Something wrong" he asked. "No...well.... I have made a decision Andy and I wanted to talk to you about it" I said as I sat down by the mirror and handed him the brush. he walked behind and started to work the tangles out of my hair. he had not said anything since I told him what I was going to do and I looked at him through the mirror. "You don't want to know?" I asked a little upset he had not said anything. "Of course I want to know ......I just thought you needed a minute to gather your thoughts" he said softly while continuing to brush my hair.  
  
" I think I want to do a full mastectomy" I almost whispered. I could feel the slight delay in Andy's hands before he went on brushing my hair. " are you sure that is what you want" he asked me. " No it is not what I want ...but it is what I need" I told him. " I mean I could go for a partial and I could be okay ...but do I want to take the risk of there just being one cancerous cell left " I started. "I want this over with...I don't want to find out five years from now that something was left behind and I would have to go through this again" I went on.  
  
Andy had stopped brushing my hair and was braiding it the way I like it when I went to bed. " there is no garentee that , that wont happen even with a full mastectomy" he said so soft I could barely hear him. " I know that too Andy....but shouldn't we minimize the risk?" " Your right prue...I just want you be sure that this is the way you want it...once you call Nicole there is no turning back" " I think this is the way I want it Andy" I said to him. " No prue ...don't think! be sure!" he said turning the chair and taking my face in his hands. " You have to be sure prue one hundred percent not ninety-nine! one hundred!" he added. " I am sure Andy" I said.  
  
he lifted me off the chair and carried me to the bed. "If you are one hundred percent sure then I am behind you all the way" he said lowering me to the bed. " what if I would have said I only wanted a partial?" I asked him. he took me in his arms and pulled me tight to his chest . " I would have stood behind you in that one as well" he said. "It is your decision after all" he added.  
  
I could feel that sleep was over taking me . " Andy?" "Hmmm?" " can you come with me tomorrow when I go and tell Nicole" " anything you want prue....anything you want."  
  
tbc  
  
I didn't want to wake up the next morning, I didn't want to go and see Nicole again. I was getting to the point that I started to hate the woman. Andy let me sleep for as long as I wanted , little did he know that I had been awake when he had tried to sneak out of the bed. after having, tossed and turned for most of the morning I got up. when I got to the kitchen coffee was ready for me. but there was no Andy, Piper or phoebe. where were these people? I almost laughed at myself, here they finally leave me alone and I am complaining. I poured my cup of coffee and called Andy at the station.  
  
He must have broken some speed laws because half an hour after I had called him he was there. " how is the captain feeling about this Andy" I asked him. "He can't be happy you running of like that all the time." "well I told him that I really didn't care right now and that he should only assign me to cases that I can leave on a moments notion, and since he is as concerned as I am about your health he agreed" Andy told me. "They are concerned about my health?" I couldn't help but laugh at that. "yeah I know strange but I think over the years he grown found of you." Andy laughed back at me.  
  
he grew serious then and looked at me . "Did you call Nicole" he asked me. "Nope!" "Why not prue?" "Because I am scared Andy..i know this has to happen and I know I need to do it ...but I am scared" covering my mouth I tried to hold back a sob and failed at it. Andy flew across the room and took me in his arms. he didn't say much just kept kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back. "do you want me to call her for you?" he asked me after several minutes again, I had to laugh. "I think I am the one that is gonna have to call her Andy" I said giving him a watery smile.  
  
after having called Nicole and giving her my decision I felt spend, I was tired despite having slept well the last night. Andy saw I was not faring to well walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "What do you say we take the day of and just spend doing nothing" he asked me. I nodded my head and Andy took me upstairs.  
  
after having put me to bed, Andy crawled in next to me and for the better part of the day we just dosed on and off. Andy only left for a few minutes to go to the video store and pick up a few movies. we had an early supper and again went back to our room. I guess Piper and phoebe had gotten the hint and left us alone.  
  
a few days later Nicole's assistance called me to let me know what day the surgery was schedule for. and from there on I went into to over drive. I made sure john signed the papers I had drawn up earlier. went on as a madman to make sure all my pictures and layouts where in order so my editor just had to grab them when he needed them I cleaned the house from top to bottom and then cleaned it again just to make sure.  
  
My family let me, knowing the need I had to keep busy. At night I was so tired as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. I didn't want to think of the operation, I didn't want to talk about it, so we didn't. When Andy or either one of my sisters brought it up I only had to look at them and they knew. I knew I wasn't being fair on them . but that was just the way it was. I knew I was a total bitch and it surprised me they hadn't kicked me out of the house yet.  
  
the night before the operation we all sat down around the dinner table from which I had non. I looked from my sisters to my husband and back. "You know I love you right?" I said softly. A tear had made its way down Piper's cheek, and when she looked at me, my heart broke. I walked over to her and gave her a hug. "It is going to be okay Piper" I whispered in her hair.  
  
"I know you are I am just scared, I never had to worried about you or had to be scared for you, and now that I do it scares me even more" she said holding on tighter. " I never knew that I could love someone so much it hurts," she said and glanced over at phoebe. " and that is the same for you phoebes" she added to it.  
  
I saw Andy leave the room and I knew he was going to give the three of us the time and space we needed. phoebe came and joined our hug. "You know" she said. "I know you are going to be okay, because I know mom doesn't want you next to her, she wants you to be okay and be with us, she knows that you haven't filled your destiny yet, so she I going to make damn sure you are okay" she sniffled. a few tears had escaped me as well and I tried to wipe them away. Piper rubbed one of them away before I even had the chance to do it. "You know prue you don't have to be so brave, I have seen you keeping your self busy and holding it all in. it is okay to let it go for a little while, we are your sisters and we know that you are scared even if you don't want to admit it" Phoebe nodded her head.  
  
I looked at my sisters. a tear slowly slides down. " I know you know . but if I hadn't kept busy in the last few weeks, I would have gone nuts. if I would have let go. I know I wouldn't have been able to stop. and I just didn't want to risk that" I told them. "Yes I am scared I rather face a football field full of sources then have this surgery tomorrow, but what choice do I have?" " none" both phoebe and Piper said. we got up from the table and hugged one more time, leaving the dishes we went upstairs. "A football field of sources huh" phoebe said. "well maybe a baseball field" I said to my little sister and then went to my own room.  
  
Andy had been busy in the time my sisters and me had our little moment. when I walked in, I saw every candle that we owned in house burning around the room. and in the middle of this beautiful glow stood my husband on single yellow rose in his hand. the other hand extended to take mine.  
  
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world" he said softly. and pulled me in his arms. I felt a lump form in my throat but I forced it back , I didn't want to ruin this moment with tears. this final moment with my husband, this moment where I was still a perfect woman.  
  
Andy guided me to the bed and when I looked at the nightstand I could see a bowl, I looked up at my husband in surprise, he knew I shouldn't be eating anything. "Andy you know..." but my words got cut short by his lips on mine. " I know." he said and reached over to take something out of the bowl. I felt a cold sensation on my lips and when I looked up, I saw Andy was holding a piece of ice formed in the shape of a strawberry. " I know how much you like strawberries" he said with a wicked glint in his eyes. I threw my arms around his neck. " do you have any idea how much I love you?" "If it is half has much as I love you I will be the happiest man alive" he whispered, before taking charge of my lips again.  
  
we spent most of the night loving one another , and I kept wishing the morning would never come. we finally fell asleep early in the morning. only to be awaken by a soft knock on the door. "Prue...Andy it is nine thirty....we have to get ready" came phoebe's voice from the other side.  
  
I sat up from the bed suddenly I couldn't breath and it felt like the room was spinning, I grabbed for Andy. " I cant...I ......I cant.....o god Andy I can't do this" I managed to get out. Andy had already wrapped his arms around me and was rocking me back and forth. tears that I had kept in for weeks burst out. "Andy I cant...I am so scared......what if....." Andy put his finger on my mouth . "Shhh...everything is going to be okay...you are going to be fine and in a few hours this thing is going to be out of your body and then everything will be going back as it used to be" I tried to belief him and I nodded my head. " Please don't leave when I am in surgery...I need to know you are close by..please Andy" I asked him almost begging him. "You know I will be right there .I will not leave you there and neither will your sisters....OK are you ready now?" "okay..yes I am ready?" I with an unsteady voice.  
  
after having dressed and waited for my family to finish their breakfast we where on our way to the hospital.  
  
tbc  
  
The ride to the hospital, was a silent one. I had my hand in one of Andy's since he was the one driving. He parked in the long-term parking lot, knowing the surgery would take anywhere between two to four hours. We walked in and Nicole met us at the desk. She took my hand and gave it a little squeeze. " Are you ready?" She asked me. All I could do was nod my head.  
  
We all walked to my room. The room I was to spend the next week or so in. When I walked in I could see three dozen yellow roses standing on the various tables and nightstands. I looked at Nicole and she in turn was looking at Andy. I followed her gaze and met my husband's eyes. "I thought you might want to wake up to some sunshine" He said softly. "Thank you, Andy" I almost whispered.  
  
Nicole left us alone after she had told me that the ever-popular gown was in the bathroom and that she would be back shortly to give me a shot. I hugged my sisters and told them I loved them and I would see them later.  
  
Then I turned to my husband. I threw my arms around him and held tight. His embrace just as tight. I didn't want to let go, so Andy was the one to break the embrace. He then kissed me, told me he loved me and he would see me later. Then he also left the room.  
  
And then I was alone, something I had craved for in the past few weeks. And now that I was, I wanted all three of them here. I wrapped my arms around myself suddenly feeling very cold and very much alone. I went to the bathroom, changed into the gown, and lay down on the bed. A few seconds later Nicole walked into the room followed by a nurse.  
  
" Okay prue, it is time" She said. The nurse walked over and gave me my shot. And left. Nicole sat on the bed next to me. " Now you know I am not the one to do the operation , but I will be there, and I will be there when you wake up" she said to me. "Thank you" I said to her. " I don't think I could have done this with out you" "Nonsense prue , you are a very strong person, you are going to do great" she said walking to the door. When she opened it up Andy was standing in front of it.  
  
"Andy?" I said a little more then surprised. He walked in and took of his shoes and crawled on the bed with me. He raised me up a little so that he could put his arms around me and gave a big smile to Nicole. "Thank you Nicole" He said to her. "Now no hanky panky!" she warned us. making me smile , something I didn't think I would do at all today. She told us that in a few minutes a male nurse would gurney us to the prep room and that Andy had to leave at that point. I nodded my head in agreement and then nestled more in to my husband's arms.  
  
True to her word a few minutes later a male nurse came in , and unbuckled the breaks and guided us to the preproom. The drugs where already taking their affect and was getting drowsy. Phoebe and Piper where in the hallway. I thought I heard a few I love yous before the doors closed.  
  
I looked at Andy and I knew that this time he really had to go and that I wouldn't see him until the surgery was over with. I took his face in my hands and looked him dead in the eye. "I love you, andy , don't ever forget that" I said softly. And I could feel a tear sliding down my cheek. " I love you to sweetheart, and I will be right outside waiting for you, I promise" He then bend over and took me in his arms one last time and kissed me. I could taste the salt of his tears on my lips. "Don't cry , Andy , I will be fine" I whispered to him. feeling the drugs taking their full affect. Then I was wheeled into the operating room.  
  
A few hours later I awoke and the first face I saw was my Andy. he had stayed like he had promised. Kept going through my mind. the next thing I did I looked down. Hmm strange, it didn't look like they had removed a breast. I gave a week smile to my husband, whom had been holding my hand. "Where are phoebe and Piper" I managed to get out. Which was very hard since my mouth felt nearly as dry as a dessert. "I send them home I told them I would call as soon as you would wake up" he told me. He held up a little cup with a straw in it and I took a sip. seen as the drugs had not worn of totally yet I fell back asleep.  
  
It only seemed minutes later while in reality it had been almost eight hours, when I woke up again. Andy was sitting in the easy chair in the corner of the room. his legs lying on the little tables. he was asleep. I didn't want to wake him , but I was so thirsty. "Andy ......Andy". He jumped up with a start. "What ....are you okay?" he was next to the bed in seconds. "What do you need , do I need to get Nicole" he asked me. I smiled at him. "No I am just thirsty." I told him. he reached over at the nightstand and handed me the cup with the straw again. it was filled with fresh water and little cubes of ice. "What no strawberries?" I joked with him. Andy let go a sigh. "Now I know you are going to be okay" he smiled. He got up and went to the door. "Where are you going?" I wanted to know. "Nicole told me to get her when you where fully awake I will be right back"  
  
And with that he walk out of the door.  
  
a few seconds later Nicole and Andy walked back in. Andy went and sat on the bed next to me. "Heya Prue how are we feeling" Nicole asked me. "Surprisingly well" I answered her. "Yah that is because the drugs haven't fully left your body yet" she smiled. "Drugs it is a wonderful thing" I smiled back at her. Then I got serious. "Okay how did things go?" I asked her.  
  
"Things went great and we got all of the cancer out, all we need to do is your chemo cycle of six weeks and you should be okay" Nicole told me. "Now the chemo I don't have to do that everyday do I" I asked just now realizing I had never asked her that before. "No not every day, you are going to come in twice a week for six weeks, so that you have twelve treatments in all" Nicole told me. "When do we start these chemo treatments?" Andy wanted to know. "We are going to give prue about a week to recover from surgery and then she will have here first treatment the day before she goes home" Nicole told us. "Uhmm , Nicole?" "Yes prue?" "When can I have reconstructive surgery?" I asked her. "With that you have to wait until we are done with your cycle" She told me. I nodded my head. Shortly after Nicole left the room with instructions for Andy to go home and get some sleep.  
  
After she had left, Andy sat on the bed again. "How are you feeling really?" he asked me. "I really feel pretty good, except that you haven't kissed me." I told him. Andy leaned over and gave me a big kiss. " I was so scared prue" He said softly. "I don't think I can ever go through that again, I must have walked at least fifty miles up and down that hall, and half that time I was followed by two shadows." he said smiling. "I was never so happy to see them wheel you back out of the room" " But I am going to be okay now Andy" I told him. "Thank god for that" He said and came over and gave me another kiss.  
  
For the next week I was stuck in the hospital and man do I hate hospitals. I had begged Nicole several times that I could go home and recover there, that I was fine and Piper and phoebe or even Andy could take care of me. But she wouldn't hear of it.  
  
Every day they came to change my dressings And every day they told me it looked better. And the more they told me it looked better. The more I was convinced that it looked worse. The swelling had gone down after about three days and now I could clearly see that I no longer had a breast on my left side. I tried to cover it up best as I could when Andy or my sisters came to visit. I kept up my cheery disposition, while all the while I was feeling increasingly depressed. Nicole came to me on day five and told me that we would do the radiation the next day.  
  
Phoebe and Piper came to visit me a few hours before I was to have my first chemo. I had sent Andy home to get some rest. He had been there every day all day long never leaving my side. I loved him for it. but I needed a break from him. phoebe gave me a hug and so did Piper. I knew they knew I was having my chemo today and they where trying to cheer me up. I pretended that I was having a good time and that I was distracted, but in reality my mind was on nothing else.  
  
phoebe wanted to know if they should stay around until after the chemo and I told them that it would better if no one were here when I came back to the room. Since Nicole had told me, I could be quite ill. I also asked her if she could Andy home until I would call him. "Yeah right prue, pray tell how I am going to do that, the man is hardly home as it is. he is never going to listen to me" she told me. "Please phoebe find a way" I asked her. And she promised she would. After having said our good-byes my two sisters left. And all I was left to do was wait for my first round of chemo.  
  
tbc  
  
Now when people tell you,you can get sick from chemo. they where not kidding let me be the first to tell you that every word that anybody has ever said is the gospel truth. To say you get nauseous is an understatement though. I don't think I have ever been so sick in my life ever . I for moments thought that my insides for sure would lie in the bucket.  
  
Of-course Andy had not listened to a word that phoebe had told him and showed up right in the middle of my performance as the human food dispenser. "Andy?? what the hell are you doing here?" I asked him harshly and not caring how it sounded. "I wanted to make sure you where okay?" He said. "I am in a damn hospital throwing my insides out how the hell do you think I am" I almost screamed at him.  
  
In the middle of my next not so nice statement to Andy, Nicole walked in. "And how are we doing?" She said in a cheery voice, knowing how I was feeling. "Fine?" I mumbled. "Yeah sure you are" Nicole said, "And I am tooth-fairy". Making me smile for the first time since I had my chemo. "And how are you holding up Andy ?" She asked him. "Hmm I have had better moments" He told her. Nicole smiled at him and took my vitals. "okay prue I want you to slowly try to get some food in you" she said and then left the room. no sooner had she left and I laid into Andy again.  
  
"If you had better days or moments why the hell did you even come here?" I yelled at him. "That is not what I said Prue. I just hate to see you like this" he answered my yell very calmly. " I a sorry Andy I didn't mean to yell it is just that I am really not feeling that great and well you where the only on in the room" he just smiled at me. "You can yell at me as much as you want Hunny" he said and gave me a kiss.  
  
as promised the next day I got to go home and for the first time that week one couldn't pry the smile of my face. I had waited for this from the moment I had woken up and now I got to go home. Andy had picked me up and when we pulled into the driveway both Piper and Phoebe came running down the front steps.  
  
Phoebe was the first one to reach me. I got enveloped in to a big hug and soon after Piper joined her. "Yeah you're". Home said Piper. Taking the overnight back from Andy so that he could support me better. "jees guys I have only been gone for a few days. I told them. Phoebe had already reached the front door and opened it to a big sign welcoming me home.  
  
I had wanted to enjoy my homecoming but a bout of nausea hit me and I had to run for the bathroom "I thought she had done all of that in the hospital " I heard phoebe utter to Andy. I love my sister but sometimes she can be so dense.  
  
The days and night blended somehow together for me in the following two weeks. Trips to the hospital, and those where followed by many trips to the bathroom. I hated feeling the way I did and more and more I noticed how my hair was thinning out. My skin color had faded to mustard yellow and it seemed like my eyes had lost the will to shine.  
  
My husband and my sisters tried to keep up my spirits , but day by day, my mood went increasingly south as they would say. There where times I couldn't stand the site of neither my husband or my sisters. I knew I was hurting them, but at the moment, I didn't care. I thought I could use a few days of self-pity. But I could see by their faces that I was reaching the end of their patience. And that world war three was about to erupt. And still I could care less.  
  
Andy was by my side twenty-four seven, and as sweet as it might sound I couldn't stand the sight of him near me. I knew he was hoping for me to be the old one soon. But it seemed like this was never going to end. Finally my six weeks of Chemo was over but I didn't seem to get any better as a matter of fact my mood got worse and Andy was the only one left with my mood swings. But I could see on his face that his mood was heading south as well. Not that I could really blame I mean who would want a baldheaded no breast ugly looking freak as ones wife.  
  
Finally on a Saturday morning it came to blows. No not literally, although it came pretty close, I had just gotten out of the shower and was about to get dressed when Andy walked in to the room. I covered my self as best as I could and sat down on the little chair in front of the mirror and picked up my brush. Andy walked up behind me and wanted to take the brush to do my hair. I pretended not to see him and proceeded to brush my own hair.  
  
"why are you doing this Prue"? Andy asked me. "do what?" I asked him knowing full well what he was talking about. "Pull away from me or pretend I am not even in the room!" he said sounding frustrated. "I don't do that I acknowledge you are here right now don't I ?" I knew it was a challenge and Andy was willing to accept. "Only because I opened my mouth, I have been walking on eggshells for weeks Prue, because I thought you needed time to get used to this. I sleep on the edge of the bed close to falling off every night because when I come near you, you chrinch, I haven't touched you in weeks even in the most casual ways knowing you where uncomfortable with it. But you know what I have had it." He said walking towards me and lifting me out of the chair.  
  
"what are you doing?" I asked him trying to loosen his grip on my arm. "I want you take a look at your self Prue!" Andy said and placed me in front of the mirror. "I know what I look like Andy!" I shouted at him. Tears rolling down my cheek. "don't you think I don't know I look like a freak, how can you even look at me?" I screamed and covered my face. Letting my tears run free.  
  
Andy walked us over to the bed. Sat down and pulled me on his lap. It felt so good to be held by him again. He stoked my cheek and kissed my tears away. "You are not a freak hunny". He said softly. I didn't want to answer him , I just wanted to lay there with my head on his shoulder. "are you listing to me" Andy asked lifting my chin so he could look at me. I nodded my head. But that wasn't enough for him. Again he stood up and led me to the mirror.  
  
"here is the woman I love" he said softly. "she has the most gorgous eyes a man ever saw, cheekbones that never seem to stop, a mouth I never want to stop kissing" he trailed his hands down my arm and took my hand. "these are the hands that give me pleasure beyond anything" his hands continueing his decent. "legs that go all the way" he said with a smile. I was looking at my self and tried to see myself the way he did, but all I could think about was my thinning hair and my missing breast.  
  
I opened my robe and looked at Andy through the mirror. " and here" I said. "is where you re save heaven was, and now that is gone" I said sarcasticly.  
  
"How about that Andy!" Andy turned me around in his arms and looked at my breast. I wanted to cover my self but he wouldn't let me. "Andy please?" " what Prue you think this would turn me away, this little thing, if you really think that little of me then you don't know me at all" he said softly and I knew he was right. He placed his hand on my abdomen and slowly moved upwards. Again I tried to cover my self. But he stopped me again. "This is now as much part of you as the rest. And I love it just as much as the rest." He bend his head and placed a kiss on the scar that ran across the upper left side of my body.  
  
"I am sorry Andy" I whispered. "for what Prue". He asked just as softly. "For pushing you away when I needed you most" I admitted. "I am here now hunny, and what ever the future might bring I will be here" and with that he gave me one of his toe curling kisses  
  
the end 


End file.
